travel_newsBy: Margyle

When I first heard someone got onto an Air Canada flight wearing a mask I thought what poor schmuck is going to take the heat for that oversight. Then I actually saw what the guy looked like with his mask on and I realized I would’ve been said schmuck had I been working for Air Canada that day. Wowee wow wow that guy knew what he was doing.

I mean, how can you defend against that, aside from being vigilant and competent with your screening, because that is far too obvious and not a very fun answer. Pulling on people’s faces to make sure they are who they claim to be seems ridiculous, so therefore I fully support it. That means all old people, burn victims and anyone else with questionable facial appearances should be asked if they are wearing a mask and then flicked to watch for pain to register.

Call it an invasion of privacy and humiliating, but I see it as necessary for national security and, most importantly, hilarious. It would make the most annoying and stressful part of traveling, dealing with airports, all the more arduous, but if it keeps a few refugees or spies from getting where they need to go, then add it to the body cavity searches and fuel surcharges already endured by travelers. I’m sure nobody will complain.

So for all you asylum seekers out there, don’t pile into a boat and set sail for Canada or spend needless money bribing officials, just pick up a sweet glasses and fake mustache combination and save yourself the trouble. It may be the best travel decision you’ll ever make.

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