The author of this article has chosen to now be anonymous
Being a heterosexual male in a world full of female travel bloggers is no walk in the park. Everywhere I look it’s girls, girls, girls.
Quite frankly I’m a bit tired of it. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate an aesthetically pleasing Twitter profile and blog full of suggestive photos just as much as the next man, but, let’s be honest here, when you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all right?
It’s hardly surprising then that all this travel blogging lark has got me moving closer towards batting for my own side. When the ratio of girls to boys is something like 3 to 1 this kind of shit is bound to happen. Imagine me crawling through a never-ending list of girly-owned blogs and Twitter profiles. It’s only natural that the first man to crop up would scream “exotic”!
Ok. Right then. Now I’ve firmly placed my sexuality cards on the table (*flutters eyelashes* “hello boys”) I guess there’s really nothing more to do than to throw caution to the wind and in indulge in my man crushes publicly.
The top ten travel bloggers I’d go gay for? Let’s cut to the chase and let the stalking begin.
P.S. I’d love to say they are no particular order but that would be a lie. Sorry guys I’m a bitch like that. Yet the offer remains open for a gang bang…
10. Ed Rex – Rexyedventures
The newcomer in at ten is my little Yorkshire terrier and soon-to-be-lapdog, Ed Rex. Ed’s been stirring my loins ever since I saw a saucy model-esque photo of him on his about page on his blog. Looks very good in hats. Hope to meet/shag and share a cup of team with him when he hits the road come spring.
9. Brendan van Son – Brendan’s Adventures
My editor-in-chief (he’s certainly a chief – if you get what I mean ;)) over at Vagabundo Magazine, I’ve pipped for Brendan mainly because he’s got the Photoshop chops to touch my ugly mug up in any coupley photos we might take together in our long, happy and totally imagined future. His cute little Canadian accent coupled with his rugged Antarctic explorer shot gets me salivating every time.
8. Marcello Arrambide – Wandering Trader
In at eight is latin lothario Marcello Arrambide, known colloquially in the gold digging world as “Wandering Trader” aka “Mr Big Bucks”. Marcello originally got me swooning with his point-to-the-sky photo series and his penchant for leopards. He’s really good at SEO too. I like a man who knows how to work their tools.
7. Johnny Ward – Onestep4ward
My little Irish pixie may have a stunning Thai girlfriend but you think that’s going to stop me? Johnny had me at “one” before he even had the chance to take a “step forward”. Since then he’s been flooring me with tales of wanderings into North Korea, Kenya and something about his friend shitting on his passport. Proper little danger man.
6. Chris Walker Bush – Aussie On The Road
The thought of a sweat-drenched, bearded, Aussie man lugging his hefty backpack on the road as he inches towards me? Phwoar. I think I just blew my load a little. However since Chris showed his more sensitive side, in his revelations over the black dog, I’ve suddenly begun seeing him a new light. Mainly as that of a little puppy dog that I could wantonly care for.
5. Gary Arndt – Everything Everywhere
If only Gary Arndt, my older man crush, could actually give me “everything everywhere”, I’m sure I’d have a few suggestions for him. On the back of a motorbike in Belize while he chats about his new “lenses”? If that’s what he wants…
4. Samuel Jeffery – Nomadic Samuel
Samuel’s blog claims to be “dripping” with sarcasm, but I can guarantee he gets me “dripping” with something else entirely. Tales of teaching kids in Korea show that he’s perfect adoptive daddy material. Another one that looks good in hats. Just have a perve at his about page if you don’t believe me – I guarantee you’ll lose a part of yourself.
3. Matt Kepnes – Nomadic Matt
That elfin physique, those come-hither eyes, Nomadic Matt could turn me a gay within seconds of putting on the green light. I don’t even have to look at the man himself to get hard – sometimes the cartoon version in his banner is just as good. An intimidating shag yes – given he’s one of the biggest travel bloggers out there – yet I’d still give it a crack.
2. Colin Wright – My Exile Lifestyle
The closest I’ll ever get to booking a flight and heading out to New Zealand, Colin’s raunchy images of him naked with only a Macbook covering his manhood are a pure stroke of genius – and encourage healthy strokes of a lot more than that too. This American blogger, the man behind the Exiles platform, gets my heart pumping with all his entrepreneurial ideas. That and the fact he only sticks around for 3 months. Convenient as my gay phase probably wouldn’t last for much longer.
1. Anthony Middleton – Man Vs Clock
There have already been many suggestions on my behalf of having male lust for this travel blogging Geordie. You know what? It’s all true. Those cheeks, that bone structure, the no-alcohol thing, the coming to terms with his baldness – this is a true mans man my friends. From action shots on jet-skis, to tiger petting, to close shaves with Neo-Nazis, this boy has done it all. Make no mistake about that.
Phew, so there. I’m done. I need to go and have a cold shower to cool myself down. All that research has got me horny as hell.