Finally, for once, my asshole friends came to visit me on a trip. One of these friends was Dan, a guy who I’ve known for many years. He’s like having an older brother who I party with and argue with on a regular basis. He’s also seen me cry a few times, the poor bastard.
He’s spent years of our friendship shoving away unwanted attention at the bar for me, often saving my ass. Although he does do this annoying thing, where he jumps in your cab at the end of the night, when he lives on the other side of town and somehow your $15 cab ride is $30 by the time you finally get home.
ANYWAYS, onto the story…
Dan arrived in Liberia, Costa Rica to do some wicked traveling with me. We walked around town a bit that day and picked up beers to get our party on.
Two of the guys I already knew from the hostel got their drink on with us and we all went out to a local disco. One of the dudes left and the other one claimed to have no money so we bought him a few more beers and ended the night with some delicious Big Macs. But, as Dan I went back to our room to shove the burgers in our food holes, the guy followed us. I just wanted to eat my burger and pass the fuck out so I said goodnight and closed the door.
A few minutes later, the guy knocked. I told him we were tired and going to sleep, ate my booger and went to wash up. When I got out of the single shared bathroom he was standing in the dark… waiting for me… like a creeper.
He got a little pushy trying to kiss me , but I was bigger than the poor midget so I face pushed him and went back to the room.
I told Dan, and like a boss he left the room to go take care of it. He found the guy by the front gate, opened it for him and said: “Dude, you gotta go”
The guy turned to him and said “You kick me out? I call my dad”
Dan: “Oh, you need a ride or something?”
Guy: “No, I call my dad. He come, he chop you up and kill you. Chop chop chop” (with hand motion of chopping) HA!
Dan: “Uh what?”
Guy: “Ya, he kill you”
Dan thought the guy lived in Liberia near the hostel, but he was from Guatemala. Oops!
When Dan came back in the room he was a little freaked out. Me? Honestly I couldn’t stop laughing when he told me.
We locked the door and soon enough Dan was out cold.
I heard a few more knocks on the door 10 minutes later and again 20 minutes later, but I ignored them.
We never saw the guy again… and I’m sure Dan is happy to have his body in one piece still.