I’ve been a little MIA lately when it comes to writing, tweeting and reading your blog.
I’ve been sucky and I’m SORRY.
It’s not because I don’t like you, it’s because I think I’ve been having a life crisis. I would say mid-life, but I think I’m too young for that yet (suckers). It’s been pending for a long time, but the shit has just hit the fan. I need direction NOW.
I have a fine art degree. I know how to paint, draw, create sculptures, video art, installations and very contemporary work. I’ve won awards and made it top end in judged art shows. But I didn’t enjoy it, it wasn’t for me.
Somehow after school, similar to most liberal arts students.. I landed a totally unrelated job in the corporate world. I began working for Yahoo! Canada and learned the ropes of the business and event industry. I then moved on to work for hundreds of the largest consumer events in North America on the ticketing and sales end both online and onsite.
I’ve been loved by clients, bosses and fellow employees. “Hogga do job gooood”.
I again realized, this job was not for me and saved up to travel across the world for a year. After reading Nomadic Matt’s “How to Make Money With Your Travel Blog” I had delusions of being rich and famous. Not to say the book wasn’t helpful. It got me started on everything I needed too and I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for him. But I had this idea in my head that I would come home making a small income and it didn’t happen.
I got to South America and drank my face off. I did little work on my blog, but I needed the break. I worked night and day before I left to save up. Some events had me working 15 hour days onsite Friday to Sunday, then heading back to the office on Monday. I went home, slept (dreamt about work) woke up and headed back to the show. I practically lived there sometimes.
I needed to let loose. And that I did.
Since then I have obviously paid more attention to my neglected blog. And also made a lot of new friends on Twitter. I make money off TheTraveller and doing odd end writing jobs here and there. But I know I will never live off TheTraveller. Yes, it will make me some pretty sweet cash, but not enough to do the things I would like to do in my lifetime.
I write down ideas for projects and businesses every day in my notebook. Some I look further into, some are just stupid. I once had a wealthy entrepreneur tell me, it takes 100 ideas to have one good idea. I have attempted to begin some projects, but got lost along the way mostly because I don’t know how, what, where or WHO to ask for help.
It becomes discouraging.
Then I got this idea in my head, “maybe I should just give up”. I started to stress about money and began applying for jobs. All kinds of jobs, I was ready to sell my soul. I also felt like a piece of shit because I was living with my parents. They’re cool and all, but it bruised my ego. I’ve always been independent and haven’t lived at home in almost 7 years, minus coming home over the summer from University.
But people in the blogsphere kept my foot in, I wasn’t quite ready to throw in the towel yet.
People like @Ayngelina would say
“Get rid of all the shitty sponsored posts on your blog”
“You can seriously do this – you have something others don’t”
“PS Change your banner”
“PPS I love you so much Hogga you’re my favorite person in the whole world”
Something along those lines… maybe the last quote was over exaggerated… or nonexistent.
I would read a post from @driftingkiwi encouraging me to stop dicking around and live my dreams, @travelingeditor lends an ear on the more high anxiety days and he usually has to pull teeth to get it out of me, so kudos to him. Also, @mobilelawyer gives me advice and asks me the questions I need to answer sometimes but fail to notice. And friends who think I’m a genius and can do nothing wrong. Not to mention how inspiring you all are living your dreams and supporting each other.
After inspiration like this I would be all reared up for a period of time, until I saw my visa bill or went to the dentist and realized I have to get a wisdom tooth removed – but it’s on a weird angle so I have to go to surgeon and pay even more money. FUCK!
This has become a continuous cycle, that has recently made me feel claustrophobic and extremely anxious that has left me spending hours online looking for jobs, going to interviews and pondering life. So I found a job. Not a great one and far less than my worth. It made me feel sick to my stomach.
Last night I asked my parents to sit down with me and talk. I told them everything I had been thinking and feeling. I wish I had done it sooner to be honest, but I was too proud. Stupid, I know. They actually told me not to take the job, not to give up and that they would help me along the way. I don’t know why I was surprised. Maybe I was expecting them to tell me to suck it up or it’s time to grow up – get a husband, house, job, make babies and be normal.
But they didn’t.
And I’m now questioning why I ever thought they would? Sitting down with them took so much off my shoulders, especially knowing they support me.
I will be sucking it up and living at home still for a while. I will get a job bar tending for extra cash-money-money. I will be taking a course or two to expand my knowledge in specific areas I lack in and I will be on the hunt for a business partner.
I will also be making more of an effort to befriending tweepers – and re-connecting with those I already have a relationship with. I will be reading your blog. So shoot me a URL if I’m not yet a fan. And tweet me your favorite animal, booze and food. Tell me about you now – @TheHogga