Sexy Toronto Summers

By: Hogga

People always associate Canada with being freezing cold, having lots of snow and ice hockey. But, what you may not realize (because you be stupid) is that most of Canada actually gets super hot for the few summer months that mother nature provides us with.

After being cooped up for all those below zero winter months, it’s time to get naked and bust a move in the sun when June comes around. Even some of us bold adventurers spend the long weekend in May camping. We call it “May Two Four”, it’s known as a party weekend to start the summer off, as a “Two Four” means a 24 case of beer and the long weekend is based around May 24th. Although it’s an exciting time as the snow has melted and flowers be a bloomin, it usually rains that weekend, leaving our tents wet and muddy, but we still do it, because we’re badass.


June to August is spent rushing out of the city towards cottages and camp grounds. But since every penis is trying to get out of the city, you may not arrive to your destination until an annoyingly late time. It sucks squirrel balls, but once you get a beer in ya and build a sweet-ass campfire, it’s all worth it – Especially when you wake up to the sound of the water, crack a beer, get a floaty boat or jump on some water skis.

Is that all you people Toronto do during the summer months? No, jackass, it’s not. There are so many biking, hiking and walking trails, you can hug trees all summer long. Just keep it in your pants.

There’s also crap loads of festivals and concerts in Toronto and surrounding area:
Pride Week: Rainbow coloured Toronto for a week! Plus there’s a parade, and who the fuck doesn’t like parades?
Ribfest(s): There are tons of these around Toronto in the summer. Stuff your food hole with ribs and drink beer.
Summerlicious: More food hole celebration, eat your way through the city.
Beerfest: Need I say more?
Buster Fest: Sit on a patio in St.Lawrence Market and watch street performers be awesome (and in some cases, creepy).
Others: Jazz Festival, Edgefest, Wakestock, TheEx, Canada’s Wonderland, Afrofest, Luminato and much more.


Lastly, don’t forget about patio beers. This is the default plan for spending time outdoors in Toronto for the following reasons:
1. Fuck ya, it’s sunny out. Let’s do patio beers.
2. None of my friends will invite me to their cottage. Let’s do patio beers.
3. I’m bored and thirsty. Let’s do patio beers.
4. I tried to plan a camping trip, but everyone flaked out. Let’s do patio beers.
5. I’m hungry. Let’s do patio beers.
6. I forgot to put on underwear today. Let’s do patio beers.

What happens in your hometown or country through the summer months?



Written by Ross French