By: Lindsay Hogg
Oh, summer love… My parents never took my sisters and I on exciting holidays to Sharm el sheikh, but they did take us to resorts in Montreal and Vancouver. We vacationed around Canada or visited family in Ohio (a state populated with approximately 5 people and 15 cows).
When I was a young teen, my vacay consisted of making new friends and falling in love with a boy. We held hands and kissed, but both parties were aware that at the end of the week, month or summer, the romance ends. Sure, there were tears shed sometimes, but you get over it fast when school starts again.
Which brings me to my question, what’s with people getting so attached while traveling and dating? Is it because we’re older and people are becoming more desperate with the tick tock of their life passing by? Maybe I’m just cold hearted, but I go into these things with one foot out the door already. I’m a traveller and I’m aware that on the road relationships will eventually come to an end. I’ve always wondered how many people meet each other travelling and actually stay together. I’m a realist, but I still like to think it’s possible.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in romance, but I’m also a realist and don’t like to waste my time. I seem to find myself getting talked into relationships quite often only to have it end as most traveller relationships do. Since we have nothing better to do with our time when travelling, we spend almost every moment with someone we like. We hump, share some spiritual or emotional moments, then eventually part ways. Eventually you part ways, again there’s some ‘water works’ and the (I miss you) emails follow for days after. As time passes, the emails become less and further apart until you simply have another Facebook friend, who you never talk to. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but this process of occurrences is fairly standard.
Years ago, I tried a few long distance relationships and they didn’t end very well. Which leads me to the problem, as avid travellers, how do we maintain a relationship? Is it even possible? Or should we just accept that if we want to travel long term, a relationship may not be possible for us.. Personally, I don’t accept defeat that easily, but I also don’t know if I will ever travel long term again.
*Gasp* Not ever travel long term again? Whaaaat? What happened to you, me and Peru? Maybe it’s the younger travelers who fall in love a little more easily, or think that it might last because they have not had enough time to have racked up shitty travel relationships yet. I think when you get older you obviously gain experience so you can be more realistic about things. Of course, falling in love happens all the time and there are a ton of bloggers who met on the road and want to make it work, and they do. It all depends on the person, I guess. I hope you would think you could travel and have love-I think we should be able to do it all! Love you Hogga!
Haha, well that’s being an expat really… I would still go live somewhere different but I wouldn’t travel day to day for more than a few months. A year of it was long enough lol.
Oh yea, and I forgot to add that I am a long-term traveler, which you already know, and I have an awesome relationship with a geeky dude who I get to travel with sometimes. So, its possible. Even if you poop on him in the process.
10 points for using the word “hump” in a blogpost!! Impressive!
haaaaah. I just high fived myself in starbucks.
I think you ought to get 20 points 😛 I do agree with you though that travel relationships are often like disposable sanitation papers.
This would be my answer ; ) Please take a look NON – Believers ! http://seecolombia.travel/blog/2011/07/a-travelers-love-story-the-perfect-wedding-proposal-mine/
I love it! This made my day 🙂
I think in general, people who are “on the go” are by definition not into commitment. — but as a romantic at heart, I believe anything is possible. Trust and a mutual understanding about the definition of what “being in a relationship” means are imperative. Especially the trust part.. and wanting to trust is different than trusting 🙂
wow, fantastically put!
I just drag mine along with me but we’re… different than most. 😛
Just over 5 years ago, while doing a bit of traveling myself while keeping a homebase, I met this full time traveling guy. We fell in love and felt our lives aligned.
I joined him on the road to try it out and eventually sold my homebase. We’re still on the road together – loving life, loving each other and doing awesome things.
So count us as having met on the road, fallen in love and committed to life partnership (and travel) together.
It can happen 🙂
Awww that’s amazing!
I think it is sooo ridiculous and immature when I hear girls gushing about a guy on the road weeks later! Or they ask me if I’ve heard from so-and-so, I’m like no, and they look at me with pity. Um, why should I have heard from him?
haha… some people are needy
Girls, you make me feel left out. I married my long distance relationship 😉 And, er, I’ve carried on travelling so it’s still kinda long distance 😉
Left out? Of traumatizing experiences lady! You are NOT missing out on anything haha.
Nope! Not unless it’s with another long term traveler.
What if you don’t want to go to the same places? Or travel together, but that’s a lot of time spent together early in a relationship.
It’s an easy litmus test for a relationship, traveling — my boyfriend and I started traveling together only after a couple weeks of dating, and we’re still going strong a year later. It’s a sink or swim situation almost immediately, which I appreciated — why waste your time and find out after two years the person isn’t right for you, when you can know after just a couple weeks or months? Also, re: Matt’s comment, I don’t believe it has to be with just another long term traveler, but that’s a separate post…. 🙂
Well, I had a long-distance relationship that carried over from my time living in Holland and Denmark back to the States when I returned to NYC….aaaaand now I’m married to him. So perhaps you should become a believer, too, Hogga 😉
I agree with your post.
The question is:
Tourist or Traveler?
I guess there is difference between tourist and a traveler. If both are tourist tough to have relationship for longer time but maybe with a traveler chances are better.
Maybe I am wrong but I guess. Good post. Keep writing.
Good insight Appu, thanks.
Hey, I will have you know as a former Ohioan, there are also cornfields there.
As for the relationship, travel with him!
HAHA… yes, I’ve done my fair share of ‘hide and go seek’ in those cornfields.
I cannot even begin to answer such a complicated question. I can tell you that my desire to travel long term has ended relationship, and I have also learned some tough lessons about and had some great experiences while traveling.
I just don’t date people haha… then I can do what I want all the time
I’ve met some good ones … but nothing I would ever expect to be anything. It’s like the idea of a “girl in every port.” Every town there is someone new … and I wouldn’t expect those butterflies to carry beyond the city I am in with the guy.
Good for you. Sometimes people get to easily swept up in the moment and don’t think realistically… that being said, there is always a chance for romance to last longer than the few weeks you were there..
When I got married (to a complete non-traveler) we came up with an agreement that so far has worked pretty well. She agreed not to ask me to give it up (she knew that wouldn’t happen) but asked me to shorten the length and frequency. When I was single I went three times a year most years and spent as much as 12-16 weeks on the road. Now I go twice at most and try to keep it under 6 weeks (although I think I can get away with 8).
So far it is going well, but the verdict is not in on whether this will work long term…
Sounds good to me! I’ll keep that in mind for when I find Mr.Right haha
You know my story, but I’ll share for everyone else.
I planned a 12+ month long-term trip, and shortly after starting to plan got in to a relationship. 2 years later I was about to go, and she told me I should go. We were long-distance that whole time anyway, so being halfway across the world was not too different than being away 4 hours, but more difficult. We decided for her to come visit a few points in the trip, but as it got closer we decided that I’d just come home with her the first time she came out (5 months in). She came, I proposed, and we’re home now.
My demands for coming home? We do a year abroad in a few years after we save money, and we try out for the Amazing Race. Saving for the first, waiting for next rounds of the second. Yup!
I heart this story so much.
Hm this is very difficult! I found out I hate long-distance relationships but short term can be fine.
Yeah, I’m not very good at those either
Interesting perspective on long term relationships and travel. Fortunately, I never had to deal with any of that. I never hooked up or had any relationship while traveling. Granted, my life is different and I started my travels overseas later. The longest I would be gone is a month because I work now. However, it’s very interesting to hear everyone’s stories and opinions on this.
I am glad there are those who have made this work for their relationships!
I know! It’s pretty helpful to know others have made it work. I guess it just takes two sometimes and if it’s not right, it wouldn’t work whether or not you’re on the road.
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I think you should travel together with your partner or just forget it. You need real person siting next to you, but not some virtual guy/girl in another corner of the world.
Of course there are exceptions, but it is so rare.
It’s true. It would be great if I could find another digital nomad… but its’ quite rare…
There are couples for which it does work, but I don’t want a long distance relationship and haven’t found a great man to travel with me so far! Difficult one, tho!
I know, same here… I have hope, but haven’t had much inspiration from the men I’ve met on the road so far. I do love me some Latin and Kiwi boys though!
I met my boyfriend on the second day of my trip. He is an ex-pat in Korea; I was there for a short time before I went to travel for a year. We felt such a strong connection that I went against my normal rules that don’t believe in long-distance relationships and we gave it a go. I came back a few months later and lived in Seoul for two months. Left again. We have met up in Hong Kong, Taiwan, Vietnam, and soon India. It’s been almost a year. And in the fall, we’re moving to Toronto together. So anything is possible! Sparkles and love and rainbows and happy feelings!
That’s super inspiring! I love hearing about people who have had travel relationships work out. Gives me hope to find Mr.Right… but I’ll stick with Mr.Right-Now for the time being haha
Loved this post.
Living in Taiwan I tended to avoid dating because #1, I was doing a bit of cliched soul searching (think Eat, Pray, Love–yeah, I know!) and #2, most of the guys weren’t my cup of tea. I did date a few locals but for the most part I wanted to be single. I met a ton of foreigners though who latched onto others from the start, jumping around from person to person until they left the country.
People encouraged me to have scandalous flings all the time but that just wasn’t me.
It would be nice to think that some people who meet while traveling stay together though.
Have yet to meet a handsome fellow I can take with me everywhere so for now am just maintaining a few stationary ones in various ports around the world. Ricky Nelson might call me a Travelin’ Woman.
I’m not good at maintaining either. I don’t have the patience for it.
I haven’t been to a serious relationship so I wouldn’t really know. Based on some of my traveler friends’ experience, it is best to lower down your expectations and be realistic. For now, I choose to travel and meet more people. I know that the time will come for me to settle down and start a family. Just not now. Not yet, but it will happen.
Funny that I’ve come across this tonight as I was contemplating it on the bus ride back to my bf’s place. Me and the bf are going to be apart for anything between 5-7 months while I’m travelling solo next year. We’ve been together almost two years and are pretty solid at communicating – we managed one month apart no problem in January, but five or more…wondering how that’ll work. I think travelers who are already in relationships can maintain it while on the road (or at least I hope so) but those in new relationships or temporary ones while travelling…I’m more skeptical.
WOW, that’s hard, but I generally believe that if it’s meant to be, it will work itself out.
Ugh. I can confidently, and paifully, say NO, given I have tried it and failed miserably.
I know you wrote this over 2 years ago but, god, I resonate with it so well.
In the last three years there have been 4 men. Two of whom, I’ve handled pretty well because I always knew I was leaving anyway. The other two I fell for way too hard and was even willing to give up my traveller lifestyle for (except they didn’t feel the same way so boo me). 😛 It’s hard. I need a change of gameplan.
WOW! fantastically put! its Greta …