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The Traveller World Guide | Best Travel Tips and Vacation.

Too Sexy To Travel: The New Face of The Traveller

Travel Tips - Ross French - November 13, 2012

jessicaThis is Jessica Kamikaze’s first article on The Traveller. She will be writing EVERY WEEK from now on, so you better enjoy it ass bitches. Be nice to her… and by “be nice”… I mean “sexually harass”.

Too Sexy to Travel

I’m really beautiful. Like, shit, I’m gorgeous. Here at home, I’ve gotten used to the adoring smiles and jealous glares, but when I’m travelling my internationally recognized good looks have resulted in awkwardness, discomfort and some downright unpleasant encounters. I’m sure many of you have faced your own challenges with global sex appeal (maybe you’re so beautiful that men stalk you from hostel to hostel in Cambodia) but the real question here is: What glaring overgeneralizations can we draw about other cultures from my experiences being too sexy for travel?

The first time I realized that my beauty was going to be a worldwide problem was at a resort in Greece when I was twelve. I was strolling back from a trip to the washroom when a middle aged staff member asked me to be in a beauty contest for resort guests. I told him I was only twelve and ran away to tell my mom. She didn’t seem too concerned…until he approached me again while I was getting a beverage and enlisted the drunk people around the bar to convince me to join the beauty contest. My mom came over to let homeboy know what’s up, but he scurried away before she could. This sent my mom into a total fit of pedo-panic which resulted in a complaint to the resort management and a new “no two-piece bathing suits until you’re 18” rule.jessica

The Lesson: Greeks like ‘em young. (Or: beauty contests are the worst idea for resort activities and no one will want to participate, prompting staff to harass young girls)

Nine years later I got off a plane in Osaka, Japan ready to teach English and win hearts on the other side of the world. On my second day I was cruising around Namba station checking out the breakdancers and looking for a shop that specializes in European and North American groceries. I stepped onto the escalator behind a friendly business man who asked me if I was new in Japan and how I liked it. We talked for as long as it took to ride the escalator to the top, and when we stepped off he asked if he could have a hug. Weird, right? I just stood there and looked confused. Then he said “A hug? Over there?” and pointed to a dark hallway next to an elevator. I just laughed and said “I have to go!” and ran away. I hid in a store and watched him go back down the escalator we had just come up.jessica

The Lesson: Japanese business men like hugs in dark corners (because who doesn’t like to press up against the boobs of strangers?)

A few years later I was back at home and my mom invited me to take a trip with her and my dad to Dominican Republic. It was pretty relaxing – there’s no partying when you’re on

vacay with mumsy and dadsy (but I WAS allowed to wear a two-piece bathing suit because I’m an adult and I make my own sexy decisions!) There was one waiter who particularly enjoyed refilling my wine glass and placing my napkin on my lap. He really didn’t speak English at all, and I speak no Spanish, but one night when my parents were at the buffet table, he asked “Tonight you go to disco?” He made a super sad face when I told him no, then he took my hand and said “I have love for you.” I said thank you.

The Lesson: Sometimes Dominican waiters just have love for you. It’s kind of awkward, but kind of…nice.

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14 Comments

  • nomadic translator November 13, 2012 at 10:45 AM

    I have love for you, Jessica!

    (And good job Hogga)

    – Maria Alexandra

    Reply
    • Hogga November 13, 2012 at 10:47 AM

      word up

      Reply
  • Levey November 13, 2012 at 1:56 PM

    Jesus Christ….

    That’s it.

    Reply
    • Hogga November 16, 2012 at 9:17 AM

      BOOOOOM.

      Reply
  • Karl November 17, 2012 at 8:44 PM

    Awesomeness

    Reply
  • Callie November 18, 2012 at 4:54 AM

    Gonna miss you Hogga, but I think I like the new gal too! Keep the ridiculousness rollin’!

    Reply
    • Hogga November 19, 2012 at 11:25 AM

      Thanks Callie! I’ll be around still… you just wait!

      Reply
    • Hogga January 6, 2013 at 11:28 AM

      Aw thanks! I will still be hovering around…

      Reply
  • Ayngelina November 19, 2012 at 10:17 AM

    Does this mean you will stop posting about how I’m on my phone all the time?

    Reply
    • Hogga November 19, 2012 at 11:24 AM

      BUHAHA… no… I’m just going to post it on other websites.

      Reply
    • Hogga January 6, 2013 at 11:27 AM

      that’s exactly what this means!

      Reply
  • Tom Summerfield November 23, 2012 at 8:16 AM

    Ahah! Great stuff Jess 😀 Looking forward to more funnies. I like funnies.

    Reply
  • Micamyx|Senyorita January 2, 2013 at 12:12 PM

    Nice one, Jessica 😀

    Reply
  • Sofia May 6, 2013 at 4:36 AM

    Strangers asking for hugs are so weird, I’ve had that experience too when traveling – once by the owner of the hostel I was staying at, who for the record, had the biggest hole in his pants I’ve ever come across – right across his bum…!

    Reply
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    About Me

    Ross French grew up outside Toronto, blah blah… he went to the University of Western Ontario for fine arts and like any degree, has since done nothing in that field. More seriously, Ross French is a travel junkie & a tech nerd with a slightly concerning love for beer & wine. he a has a great awareness of life outside the 9-5 and hopes to aspire to be a hammock bum one day.

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